


In My Defence, I have None

by 12tardis



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Newt Scamander, Protective Tina Goldstein, angry newt scamander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/12tardis/pseuds/12tardis
Summary: You get hurt in battle when you throw yourself in front of Newt to save him. Will he finally tell you how he feels or will he lose you for good? Can he fix what he’s done? Features Angry/scared Newt!
Relationships: Newt Scamander & Reader, Newt Scamander & You, Newt Scamander/Reader, Newt Scamander/You
Comments: 7
Kudos: 92





	In My Defence, I have None

**Author's Note:**

> @cyborgfromthesupermarket asked for ‘they are in a battle or something and reader gets hurt trying to protect Newt?’ Thanks for the prompt! I hope you like it, I know it’s probably not what you had in mind…
> 
> A/N: I stalled on this for so long because I had so many ideas to drag out the angst and change the ending I hope you guys like it! I know the timeline of the fbawtft book is off don’t @ me

You were doing your best to fend off bits off falling debris as the building around you collapsed in collateral damage from the heated duel going on between Newt and Grindelwald. You and Tina deflected some falling rubble that was headed for Jacob while Queenie was also busy trying to help Newt.   
  


Time seemed to drag on as you all battled it out for what felt like hours, the duel coming to a head when you flung a pile of bricks at Grindelwald, the man becoming enraged and fighting back at Newt with even more resolve.   
  


You watched on in horror as Newt briefly wiped the sweat that was forming in his brow and Grindelwald took the opportunity to cast one of the unforgivable curses at him.   
  


You saw the whole thing in slow motion as you watched your best friend, the man you had loved for as long as you could remember, push his hair back from his face completely oblivious to the curse that hurtling towards him. Your heart was in your throat and you didn’t even hesitate to throw yourself in front of Newt, screaming his name as you pushed him out of harm’s way.   
  


“NEWT!” his eyes snapped to you immediately when he heard your scream and he felt his entire body run cold as he saw the unmistakable plume of green coming out of Grindelwald’s wand, heading straight for your back.   
  


Everything seemed to happen in slow motion for him too as he instinctively cast the knock back jinx at you, sending you back with too much force, causing you to fall into a pile of rubble roughly. He winced at your cry of pain, but he was relieved that the spell had missed you completely, instead dissipating into the ruins around you.   
  


He turned away from you focusing his full energy on fighting Grindelwald, firing a round of rapid spells at the man in his fury. His newfound adrenaline seemed to stun the other man just long enough for Tina to disarm the man and just moments later a flock Auror’s arrived in the station.   
  


Newt didn’t look back at you once as the MACUSA President and the Auror’s arrested Grindelwald, staring the man down until he was out of sight and it was just the five of you left in the ruined station.  
  


Newt turned to face you, seeing Tina and Queenie on either side of you. Tina was dusting the dirt off you while Queenie cast a simple healing charm over the few cuts and scrapes you had.   
  


You were shaking and wanted nothing more than to feel Newt’s safe arms around you after that close call but as you looked back at him you noticed the harsh line of his jaw and the way he was clenching his fists at his sides.   
  


You pushed the Goldstein sisters away from you gently and stepped towards Newt with your hand outstretched only to recoil when he began to shout at you.  
  


“Y/N, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND!?”   
  


You could have heard a pin drop in the ruined station as you all just stood there staring a Newt in complete shock. He had only ever treated you with the utmost care and respect, not once raising his voice at you.

You had never even heard him curse before and had only seen him angry once before in your entire life. That had been when you’d broken your arm helping Theseus with one of his mother’s Hippogriffs but that time his anger had been directed at his brother, not at you. Plus, it had been fairly easy to calm him down then. With one doe eyed look and a carefully timed hug you had the younger Scamander pacified.   
  


This time though his entire body was tense, looking about ready to snap in two and you could practically hear him grinding his teeth together as an angry flush spread up his neck and to his ears. He looked the complete opposite of the sweet and gentle Newt that you’d fallen for. He was absolutely livid, and you found yourself shrinking under his gaze.   
  


“I-I was…he was,” you stuttered as you stared back at Newt, feeling like a scorned child but then you remembered that Grindelwald had very nearly killed him “I was protecting you!” you said firmly, finding your voice once more as you tried to reach for Newt again.  
  


But that seemed to be the worst possible thing you could have said as he somehow grew even more enraged. “I CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF!”, he shouted, his voice booming in the crumbling tunnel and then he cut you off before you could even speak again.  
  


“That was completely IDIOTIC! Did you even stop to think for a second?!”   
  


You stared back at him as tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill. Being one of the more spritely and eccentric Hufflepuff’s at Hogwarts had meant that you were no stranger to being called an idiot or stupid by your peers. You had been taunted with the words for years and Newt had been one of the only people in your life to never throw them in your face.   
  


He was usually the one defending you when people hurled those insults at you. You could always depend on him to cheer you up by sneaking you your favourite snacks from the kitchens and spending his time assuring you that you were clever and incredible. So, to hear him call you an idiot so easily now deeply upset you.  
  


“Hey hey…Newt, come on buddy”, Jacob intervened, touching his friend on the shoulder when he saw your bottom lip start to tremble and the way Newt didn’t appear to be backing down any time soon.  
  


And as you watched Newt’s chest rise and fall rapidly while he continued to stare at you furiously you felt your own anger bubbling to the surface.  
  


“I’m going home!”, you snapped, shaking your head at him as you snatched your wand up from where it had fallen. You weren’t standing for this. How dare he shout at you in such a way when you were only trying to help!  
  


“Good! I don’t want to travel with a liability anyway!” He snapped back at you and your eyes widened because you had just meant home as in back to the Goldstein’s apartment. But he was clearly talking about your home London. It was like an ice dagger through your heart.  
  


Was he really done with you just like that?  
  


You couldn’t hold back your sob as you ran from the train station, too upset to apparate anywhere and Tina and Jacob followed after you immediately. Queenie stayed behind though because she was the only person that could hear how distressed Newt was.

The second you and the others were gone he sunk to his knees, burying his face in his hands and letting out a shuddering breath.

Queenie blinked back her own tears as she heard his thoughts louder and clearer than she ever had before. She could feel the overwhelming sense of fear and self loathing the was practically pouring from him.

_She nearly died because of me._

_I can’t protect her_

_I’m not even worth it  
  
_

“Sweetheart don’t think like that. You are absolutely worth saving”, she said softly, laying her hand on his back and sighing sadly when she only heard another round of self-deprecating thoughts flood her mind.  
  


“Queenie please. Leave me be”, Newt pleaded, digging his nails into his palms as he tried to block her out of his thoughts though he knew it was no use.  
  


Queenie frowned down at him when his thoughts became more centred around the fear he’d just felt seeing Y/N so nearly taken from him. “She loves you you know?”, she whispered, kneeling down beside him carefully and gently hugging him.Newt continued to sit there tensely, not allowing himself the comfort of Queenie’s hug, so she squeezed his shoulder as she got back to her feet.  
  


“She’s loves you and you need to tell her how you feel soon or else she’s never going to understand why you just hurt her the way you did,” she said softly before she too left him there to think on his own.  
  


Newt walked around the city for about an hour after Queenie had left, trying to calm himself down so that he could go to you and salvage whatever was left of your relationship but he kept replaying the image of you throwing yourself in front of him to take the hit of a _killing curse_.   
  


He knew he probably should have been touched that you cared for him so much, but all he felt was a crippling sense of dread and guilt. He couldn’t live with himself if you died because of him. Heaven knows he hadn’t even stopped beating himself up over you getting bitten by one of the Doxies and that was weeks ago.  
  


His love for you was so profound that he had considered cutting you out of his life in order to keep you safe several times before, but you simply never listened to him. You always sensed when he was closing himself off and you just wouldn’t allow it.   
  


As he wandered through the streets of New York it was the realisation of what he’d really just said to you that calmed him down immediately. The anger made way for complete remorse.  
  


“Merlin, what have I done?”, he whispered out loud, earning himself a few odd looks from passers-by. He’d screamed at you. He’d called you idiotic. He’d let you believe that he didn’t want you by his side in his travels. How far from the truth that all was.   
  


He found himself standing in the Goldstein’s apartment not a minute later, looking away in shame at the looks Tina and Jacob both shot him. He looked back at Queenie desperately and the other woman simply gestured to the guest room, offering him the tiniest smile of encouragement.   
  


Tina appeared in front of him though before he made it even half way down the hallway, jabbing a finger into his chest “If you make her cry again I will break your fingers one by one and feed them to your creatures, Mr Scamander”, she practically growled at him. And Newt couldn’t help but shudder because he knew it wasn’t just an empty threat coming from the older Goldstein.   
  


Tina absolutely adored you. You were the only person other than Queenie that saw through her cold exterior and never complained about her uptight ways. You two had hit it off from the moment you’d met, and you brought out a softness in her that Newt recognised in himself. So, he didn’t begrudge Tina for threatening him one bit but he just wanted to see you and fix what he’d done.   
  


“Tina, I promise I’m going to fix this, just please let me go to her”, he pleaded, willing himself to look the woman in the eye so he could prove he was being genuine. She stared at him with a cold and calculating stare for a few moments before she eventually nodded, stepping out of his way and returning to the dining room.  
  


Newt sighed and continued to the guest room, sucking in a breath before he pushed the door open and stepped into the room, his heart clenching painfully in his chest when he saw you curled up on the bed clutching a pillow to your chest with obvious tear tracks running down your face.  
  


“Go away”, you said weakly, turning away from him on the bed, and closing your eyes tightly. You recognised the look of concern on his face and you knew you didn’t have to worry about him shouting at you again, but you just didn’t have the energy to face him.   
  


He continued towards you and crouched down by the bed so he could be at the same height as you “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he murmured. He was itching to reach out for you and hold you like he usually would, but he knew he’d lost the right to even think about touching you now.   
  


“I don’t want to hear it, Newton” you said starting off strong, but he heard your voice crack clear as day and he felt his own heart crack simultaneously. He’d seen you cry plenty of times before and each time had made his chest ache but to know that he was the cause of your tears this time brought him deep sorrow and despair.   
  


How could he have hurt you so badly? You were the person he loved more than life itself and here you were crying at his own doing.   
  


“Y/N please I- I have no excuses for how I spoke to you but Y/N I need you to know that I didn’t mean a single word I said,” Newt gushed out, still itching to reach for you and sucking in a breath when you suddenly turned to face him, not even attempting to hold your tears back.   
  


“You called me an idiot”, you cried, letting out a shuddering breath “you were the only person that never called me that!” you chocked out and Newt had his own tears in his eyes now, absolutely loathing himself as he watched you.   
  


“And now you don’t even- you don’t even want me around anymore!”, you gasped out and Newt frowned in concern when he realised you were starting to hyperventilate. Usually he would already be holding you close and talking you down.   
  


“You don’t want to be my friend anymore, I didn’t- didn’t mean to make you mad” your stuttering got worse and Newt got to his feet, throwing caution to the wind as he climbed into the bed and pulled you into his arms.   
  


“Sweetheart no,” he said firmly, holding you close in his arms and soothing one up and down your back while he used the other to tuck your head into the crook of his neck. He’d held you just like this numerous times over your many years of friendship, usually when you would wake up in tears from a nightmare. He would sit up with you, murmuring sweet words into your ear for as long as it took for you to relax again and he was just praying it would work in this case too.   
  


“I didn’t mean a single word I said, and I am so so sorry, love. You are so incredibly witty and clever; I have never thought you to be anything less. How many times have you gotten me out of strife with your quick thinking?” He murmured, letting out a breath of relief when you didn’t push him away.  
  


You were clutching at his shirt, you fingers curled tightly into the fabric as if he was going to leave you at any moment. “T-then why were you so mad? Why don’t you want to travel with me anymore?”, you managed to croak out, closing your eyes tightly as you sucked in an unsteady breath.   
  


Newt let out a quiet sigh, pressing the softest kiss to the top of your head “I do want to travel with you. I don’t want to see the world with anyone else. But I was terrified Y/N. I was scared when I saw you fall from that Hippogriff in 6th year and I was scared when I watched you take on that Ridgeback last year, or the time you concussed yourself in Ireland but this was…this was different Y/N.”   
  


Newt let out a long breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts, still holding you close. Your body was unwittingly relaxing and reacting to the way Newt had you cradled in his arms because you subconsciously knew his embrace meant safety and love after the many time’s he’d held you in the same way. Touching you with the utmost care like he would a wounded creature.   
  


“Y/N…I’ve never felt more terrified than I did today”, Newt murmured seriously as he slowly pulled back from you, gripping your forearms as you gazed back at him. “Watching you, throw your body between myself and that killing curse”, he tensed up slightly at the memory “I couldn’t breathe. For a second there I really thought I was going to lose you having never told you how I really felt…”  
  


He glanced down nervously, and you listened to him closely, your eyebrows pulling together “I don’t understand. I couldn’t just stand there and watch it happen, sure I acted on impulse, but I’d do it again. And I think you’d do the same for me.” you murmured, frowning back at your best friend.   
  


Newt sighed, rubbing a hand down his face as he nodded “Merlin, I know and of course I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. I just…you…I need you to understand what you mean to me.”   
  


He hopped to his feet when you continued to look at him in confusion and he rummaged around his luggage until he found what he was looking for. He sat back down across from you, holding a plain looking book out to you.  
  


“It’s the first draft of my book.” Newt murmured nervously and you gasped in response, wondering why he hadn’t told you about it and why he was showing you now of all times. But as you flicked past the fly leaf the questions died in your throat, because there printed in the middle of the dedication page was your name.

**_To Y/N,_ **

**_The love of my life, my soul mate._ **

**_You are by far, the most exquisite creature I’ve ever met._ **

**_I owe you my happiness and I offer my heart._ **

**_Eternally yours, (If you’ll have me and even if not)_ **

**_N.S.  
  
_ **

Newt watched you read it in silence, starting to fidget nervously when you showed no response whatsoever. “I um…obviously if you don’t feel the same way that’s a-absolutely fine! We can forget about this. I just- I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you for months now because I love you , I truly do and the thought of you n-not being around anymore terrifies me and I took my anger towards myself and Grindelwald out on you and-“  
  


“Newt. Stop talking.” You said quietly, still not looking up at him as you continued to stare down at the book in your hands, gripping it in a vice like grip now just to make sure you weren’t dreaming. And Newt shut his mouth quickly, watching you in concern.   
  


He wrung his hands in his lap, wondering if your silence was revenge for how he’d spoken to you today. Maybe you were angry with him and you were trying not to snap. Or maybe you were disgusted, and you were trying to find the nicest way to let him down. That seemed the most likely, since you were the kindest person he knew. Of course, you were just trying to let him down without hurting his feelings too much.   
  


Newt looked back up at you when he heard the quietest sniffle come from you, a few stray tears falling onto the paper of the book in your lap. “Oh, and now I’ve just made you cry again,” Newt sighed, shaking his head at himself clenching his hands into fists “Y/N I’m so sorry. I’m such a fool” but you clapped your hand over his mouth before he had the chance to stammer out any more apologies.  
  


“Merlin Newt just be quiet for a minute,” you sighed and Newt looked back at you with big eyes, trying to talk against your hand to which you raised an eyebrow at him and he promptly stopped.   
  


You let go of him when he was finally silent and you looked back at him wordlessly, making him squirm because he had so much more to say to you. He wanted to ask you if you were okay or if you wanted him to go but as you climbed over to him and sat yourself down sideways in his lap, he found his answer.   
  


You looped an arm around his shoulders, holding the book in your other hand as you read over the dedication again and Newt watched you in wonder, his heart starting to race when he saw a smile grace your features and he slowly lifted his arm to wrap around your waist, holding you securely.  
  


You held a finger to his lips when you sensed he was about to start talking again, fixing him with a warning look. Newt let out a small huff of exasperation against your finger but couldn’t help but smile slightly as he settled back against the bed head, looking up at you in awe.   
  


You sat in silence for what felt like hours to Newt, just taking in the moment. “So…I’m the most exquisite creature you’ve ever met huh?”, you said eventually, smiling down at Newt teasingly, unprepared for the look of absolute adoration he gave in return.   
  


Newt nodded quickly, cupping your cheek tenderly “yes exquisite, enthralling, magnificent”, he murmured seriously, looking you in the eyes with such intensity you forgot how to breathe “kind, compassionate and _so_ excruciatingly beautiful.”  
  


You stared back into his eyes, feeling your cheeks heat as you sucked in a deep breath, leaning into his gentle touch “and I’m…the love of your life?” you asked, peering back at him shyly.  
  


“Yes”, he whispered, his face inching closer to yours “I am entirely lost without you. You are my best friend and the love of my life”, he repeated, smiling adoringly at the smile that broke across your face “being with you feels like coming home and I am utterly enamoured with you.”   
  


You felt tears welling in your eyes again but this time Newt didn’t fret because he knew they weren’t tears of sorrow. You shifted yourself in his lap until you were straddling him, facing him properly as you lay your hand over his heart, “and this is mine?”, you whispered, your lips only inches away from his now.   
  


Newt flushed a deep pink as he lay his hand over yours, knowing you must have been able to feel the way his heart was trying to beat out of his chest, and nodding again “always,” he whispered, brushing your tears away delicately.   
  


You kept your hand on his chest, letting him brush your tears away before you pressed your forehead to his “kiss me?”   
  


Newt closed the gap between you quickly, pressing his lips to yours in the softest most tender kiss imaginable, letting out a breath through his nose as he cupped your face in his palm. You sighed quietly against his lips, completely melting against him as you reached up, tangling your fingers in his hair.   
  


You only pulled back for air, looking back at him with pure joy shining in your eyes “I love you too you know?” You pressed another sweet kiss to his lips, taking his hands in your own and threading your fingers together “my soulmate,” you whispered, glad to see the happiness reflected in Newt’s eyes.   
  


Newt stroked your hair back gently from your face some time later when you were both laying down tangled up together, “Can you ever forgive me for being so awful today?” He murmured, looking back at you and you could see the guilt flash in his eyes again.  
  


“Mmm I’ll consider it if you take me to the markets tomorrow,” you teased before you pressed a kiss to his jaw “in all seriousness though I already have. I know you didn’t mean what you said, you only said it out of fear.”  
  


You snuggled in closer to him, laying your head on his chest and looking up at him as you held a finger up “BUT. If you EVER talk to me like that again I will not hesitate to hex you into next year”  
  


Newt smiled thankfully back at you, lifting your hand and pressing a loving kiss to your skin “I wouldn’t dream of it.”   
  


You and Newt continued to share sweet kisses and words of adoration for the rest of the evening and Tina headed to fetch you both when dinner was served. She also just wanted to make sure Newt was staying true to his promise, but her sister grabbed her by the arm before she could leave the dining room.   
  


“Leave them be, Teenie it’s okay.” The Legilimens murmured with a faraway look in her eyes and a soft smile on her lips, “They’re happy.”

* * *

**More works/Send me requests at 12tardis.tumblr.com**


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